Blonde Girl, Blue Dress

They're called forget-me-nots:

Royal blue flowers with sunny centers.

Vergissmeinnicht is the German word,

Though I keep wanting to change

Its archaic genitive mein

To modern accusative mich.

I keep wanting to change.

I was born to. 

We sold silk ones together, Gramma and I,

On Forget-Me-Not weekend

In the strip mall across the highway,

Pouring donations, can after can,

Into her empty, ruddy leather purse.

I learned to count money on her kitchen table.

Everything was learning with Gramma—

Commissioning me to charity charm offensives,

Little missions meant to teach me

Poise, directness, and clarity.

She sat behind the mall plants,

Where I found her for pep talks and purse pours.

"Go get 'em," she'd say.

And I would.

I had a spiel that got them every time.

Come to think of it, I had two…

For the women, I approached directly in my blue dress,

Staring them down, employing savant diction.

For the men, I rose on them in an arc,

Smiling from profile, fawning with six-year-old flirtation.

The women admired the strong, blue petals.

They wanted my power.

The men said the yellow centers matched my hair.

They preferred my submission.

It was easy; cans overflowed for the soldiers.

Behind the leaves, Gramma was well pleased…

Though forty years dead,

She's still here, watching.

I've cycled now, so many times,

Through evolving performances,

Treading the power path to bare ground

To survive and thrive in mens' worlds.

The women resented my power

When I grew breasts and full lips.

I kept asking Gramma why,

Before I figured it out.

I imagined her telling me,

"Try something else,"

Before grabbing another Pall Mall

Behind a Ficus tree.

But I don't experiment.

I transform--again and again.

I cried today until my body shivered.

I keep trying new words

For my deepest transformation yet:

Giving voice to the soul underneath the sales.

But it doesn't know how to speak yet,

So I gasp for breath in despair.

What if Gramma isn't here anymore?

What if I don't care about power anymore?

Will anyone know this emerging me?

Vergiss mich, bitte.

Erinnere dich an mich.

Vergiss mich nicht, bitte.

I play with the German,

Trying to forget the English.